Everything Is Awesome & Nobody Is Happy From Drama To Devoted

 Everything Is Awesome & Nobody Is Happy

From Drama To Devoted 

Opening Illustration:

I recently heard a story about a man and his wife that were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up".

Point:

Chances are we have all been there a time or two. Conflict. Conflict at home. Conflict at the workplace. Conflict at school. Conflict comes in all shapes and sizes. Conflict can be loud involving shouting and screaming and conflict can be quiet, ignoring people and doling out the silent treatment. There is conflict everywhere we look. We have it mixed in our politics, sports, churches. Everywhere you turn you see conflict boiling. It seems that conflict follows some people around. They thrive on in and we call these people “pot stirrers”. They enjoy being in the middle of the dumpster fire and seem to pour gasoline on the smoldering embers of contention. Young people today don’t use the word “conflict”, they call it drama. 

I know that it is hard to believe but some churches are filled with drama. People struggling for power. People wanting to be the final authority, demanding all the attention, becoming upset if they are not thanked or appreciated the way they expect. When I first moved to this area I discovered that many members of this very church had their lives damaged through conflict, drama, leading to church splits. Churches argue and quarrel over more than power. We argue over air conditioning, color schemes, worship preferences, sermon lengths, staff members not meeting our needs or believing exactly what “I believe”. I could go on but I think you get the point. 

Well friends let me tell you that as your pastor I have seen just about every kind of conflict there is: the good, the bad, and the ugly. You might be saying, “but preacher, there is no good when it comes to conflict”. Actually, there can be good taken from conflict. There can be growth. Conflict resolved Biblically, under the direction of the Holy Spirit, can bring people together and strengthen the bonds of friendship. I’ve seen it with my own eyes and experienced the joy of resolved conflict with some of you in this very sanctuary. 

So, are you embroiled in conflict this morning? Are you hoping that you and this other person or persons can resolve the issues in peace and bring about harmony and unity? If you are not in this category, don’t worry, one day you will be and either way, this message is for everyone. I want to give you hope, with the Lord’s guidance you too can see healing in your most important relationships. 

Fill in these blanks this morning. Conflict may be unavoidable but it can lead to understanding. 

Today’s Thought:

Conflict May Be Unavoidable, But It Can Lead To Understanding!

Background and Context:

This morning we will continue our reading of Philippians 4:1-3. You’ll notice that the overall theme of this book is a desire to foster harmony, peacefulness, and unity within the local church found in Philippi. As you know, Paul deeply loved this church. They were his partners, some of his greatest allies in the ministry. The church in Philippi was founded by the apostle Paul on his second missionary journey. Philippi was an ancient city, even during the days of Paul, and there were numerous temples dedicated to gods and goddesses. Paul wrote the letter for a few reasons: first, Paul warned them about false teachers that had infiltrated their ranks, second, Paul understood there to be some discord, conflict within the church surrounding two women. Their names are Euodia and Syntyche. 

It seems that Euodia and Syntyche had worked directly with Paul to spread the gospel throughout the city of Phillipi, although it is unclear in what manner. The church had begun at a women’s prayer meeting (Acts 16:11-15), and it is quite possible that Euodia and Syntyche were part of that original group. The one thing we know for sure is that these two women were at odds with each other. It is likely the brawl was a public one, due to the fact that Paul had heard about it even though he was currently in a Roman prison “in chains” (Philippians 1:13). Two women fighting in this manner would have put the unity of the believers in Philippi in jeopardy, so it was important for Paul to address the bickering in his letter to the church. So, let’s dive in and discover the root of these issues and see what we can learn and apply to our lives today. 

Today’s Scripture:

Philippians 4:1-3 ESV

1 Therefore, my brothers, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm thus in the Lord, my beloved. 2 I entreat (E-U-odia) Euodia and I entreat (Sin-ta-key) Syntyche to agree in the Lord. 3 Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

Point:

Friends as we read this Scripture this morning it is somewhat comforting to know that conflict is nothing new. Conflict has been around since the very early days of the church. In fact, conflict is as old as Cain and Able. 

Know This…Conflict Is As Old As Cain and Abel!

Genesis 4:3-5 The Message

Time passed. Cain brought an offering to God from the produce of his farm. Abel also brought an offering, but from the firstborn animals of his herd, choice cuts of meat. God liked Abel and his offering, but Cain and his offering didn’t get his approval. Cain lost his temper and went into a sulk.

Point:

There you have it. Cain and Abel were not the first people to be in conflict with one another because their parents, Adam and Eve, were in conflict with God which led to sin and the fall. Conflict is something that we will all have to live with. It is passed down from generation to generation. It can lead to terrible places or if it is dealt with correctly, can lead to a new trajectory of blessing. 

Point:

So, what can we draw out of today’s Scripture? Let’s look this morning at some of the consequences of unresolved conflict. 

I. Three Dangers To Unresolved Conflict

A. Regression

Point:

What do I mean by regression? Regression is the same thing as moving backward. Unresolved conflict can impact our relationship with God, impact our prayer life, and hurt our standing in the church. 

The Bible encourages us to do everything in our power to resolve conflict ASAP (Rom. 12:18). The clearest scriptural call to this duty is found in Matthew 5:23-24, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” Those are radical words. The original Jewish hearers were able to place these words of Jesus into a familiar context. For them, the Lord was referring to animal sacrifice within the Temple. This was a solemn, somber, and deeply meaningful act of worship and trust that lay at the heart of the Old Covenant. For us, this would correspond to our most significant interactions with God as his children, including private worship through personal prayer as well as corporate worship. But here Jesus is saying there is one good reason to stop right in the middle of it all—because you have other, more important business.

Jesus considers conflict resolution among believers a higher priority than our worship of God himself! He tells us plainly that it is better to interrupt or postpone our worship than to engage in it under the wrong conditions. This passage does not explicitly say that unresolved conflict is a cause for unanswered prayer. But it does say that God is not interested in receiving our worship until we honestly face the wrongs we have committed against one another. While it is possible to argue distinctions between those two, they are distinctions without any real difference. To come before God aware of unresolved conflict with another Christian, when it is within our power to seek resolution to that conflict, renders our worship false and hypocritical. Unresolved conflict hinders our relationship with God, and this hinders our prayers.

Matthew 5:23-24 TLB

“So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and suddenly remember that a friend has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar and go and apologize and be reconciled to him, and then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

I. Three Dangers To Unresolved Conflict

A. Regression

B. Combustion

Illustration:

The other day, last Saturday in fact, I got into an argument with my wife Angela. Do you remember my sermon from last week where we talked about “unmet expectations”? Well let me put it this way, I did not meet Angela’s expectations. Angela is a “let’s arrive 15 minutes early” sort of person but sadly she married a “let’s get there 1 minute early” person. Inevitably this leads to conflict. In her eyes I was running behind to an event and in my eyes, I was running right on time. So, she decided she wanted to discuss the nature of my timing. The discussion ramped up to an argument and the argument launched into a closed door brouhaha. There were angry faces, fingers being pointed, and things said. Neither of us did a great job of cooling the other off and finally it was time for me to leave otherwise I was going to be late. So, do you know what I did? As I was walking out the door, I looked back at her and with the most angry tone I could muster I angrily stated “you’ve ruined my day”. I exploded. I lost it. Notice men that I said that to her as I was walking out the door, where she couldn’t get me. Smart am I right?

Point:

Understand this church, Angela and I have a really good marriage. Solid. We communicate very well and we have great conversations daily and still we had an argument that ended in an explosion. Unresolved conflict, conflict in general can be very combustible. You have to be very careful that in your anger you don’t allow yourself to shout, scream, lose it, or combust. Problems are never solved when you are shouting and screaming at one another. 

Illustration:

Speaking of combusting…

Ephesians 4:26 says, "In your anger do not sin."

While I was studying for this message I ran across a news article about another husband and wife who were dealing with some marital issues. 

Diane Fittipaldi, 2013 Sunset Lane, told Municipal Court Judge Levi Grantham that she had launched the attack as part of a long-standing feud with her husband about housekeeping.

"Oliver is a horrible neat freak," Fittipaldi said, "and he drives me nuts about keeping everything tidy."

After the couple argued about the proper alignment of forks on the dinner table. Fittipaldi rented a 3,000-pound, pneumatic tire forklift Tuesday evening and drove it through the front wall of their one-story frame house. According to neighbors who witnessed the incident, she used the machine to smash the dining room table.

"Oliver yelled at me about where his fork was supposed to go," she said, "and I figured I’d fix it with a forklift."

Neighbors said Fittipaldi seemed "wild-eyed" and distraught during the attack and kept screaming "FORK THIS!" at her husband, who took refuge in the kitchen.

That’s a true story. The moral of that story is never marry a woman who knows how to operate heavy machinery.

Psalm 37:8 NASB

Cease from anger and abandon wrath; Do not get upset; it leads only to evildoing.

I. Three Dangers To Unresolved Conflict

A. Regression

B. Combustion

C. Termination

Point:

Clearly these women who were mentioned by Paul had partnered together to do great things for the Lord. They were encouragements to Paul, his helpers. Sadly I have seen this pattern of Christian brothers and sisters, who in the past partnered together to do wonderful things for the Lord, end their relationship because of an unresolved issue. Sadly we don’t know what these women were arguing over but the argument was damaging the church. Making matters worse, clearly these women were close to having their relationship terminated, ending, over. 

Point:

Over the last decade, I confess that I have unintentionally hurt the feelings of people attending Eastern Shore Baptist Church. I say unintentional because I have never and would never intentionally hurt anyone who attends our church because I dearly love all of you. Maybe it was an errant joke. Maybe I forgot an important event. Maybe you were having a hard time and I failed to clue in, giving you the support that you needed. Either way, I am so thankful for the grace than many of you have showed me, blessing me with forgiveness and grace. There are many cases when, as you showed me forgiveness, our relationships grew and were strengthened, not terminated and ended. That makes me so grateful to all of you, loving me and my family.

Proverbs 19:11 NLT

Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.

II. 4 Tips To Resolving Conflict 

A. Be Brisk

Point:

Paul gives really good advice to the church in Philippi when considering the plight of these two sisters in Christ. He states, “ I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord.” Paul uses the Greek word par-ak-al-eh'-o (par-ah-kah-lay-oh). In English it is translated to “urge” or “entreat”. In fact Paul uses this word not once but twice when referring to these women. Paul understands that unresolved or conflict left alone can spread through a congregation like cancer. Paul says to deal with this issue immediately. Hading it in the most loving, direct, firm, and gentle way possible, don’t ignore it, pursue it and resolve the matter as quickly as possible.

Point:

Let me share with you that I am person that really hates conflict. I hate confrontation. I a person that enjoys the happiness of others and feel most at home when things are peaceful. When I became a pastor, I was not ready to handle this part of the job and I made several mistakes along the way. It is completely possible that I still make this mistake even today. However, the older that I have gotten and the more mature I have grown in my faith, the Lord has given me the strength and the tools I need to confront conflict. 

Some people think that confronting conflict is a negative. I see it as a net positive. Confront conflict is really a form of loving another person. When we help others resolve their differences, we foster unity in the church and open the door to have a deeper understanding of one another. 

So don’t run from it. Don’t ignore it thinking that it will magically go away. Follow the Holy Spirit’s lead and seek to bring peace to any an all contentions situations. 

One last thing, Christian be self aware. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves, “am I the source of the conflict”? “Am I at fault”? If the answer is “yes” then don’t wait for someone else to fix a problem that you created. God gives us all permission to resolve our own conflicts, seeking to restore relationships and friendships. 

Proverbs 17:14 AMP

The beginning of strife is like letting out water [as from a small break in a dam; first it trickles and then it gushes]; Therefore abandon the quarrel before it breaks out and tempers explode.

B. Don’t Escalate

Point:

Paul knew that if these women did not resolve their issues, it could escalate into a full blown church split. When one seeks to resolve conflict, do not be the one to escalate an issue to a full blown war. 

Illustration: Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton

One of the most famous personal conflicts in American history, the Burr–Hamilton duel arose from a long-standing political and personal bitterness that had developed between the two men over the course of several years. Tensions reached a bursting point with Hamilton's journalistic defamation of Burr's character during the 1804 New York gubernatorial race in which Burr was a candidate. Fought at a time when the practice was being outlawed in the northern United States, the duel had immense political ramifications. Burr, who survived the duel, was indicted for murder in both New York and New Jersey, though these charges were later either dismissed or resulted in acquittal. The harsh criticism and animosity directed toward him following the duel brought an end to his political career.

Don't turn the conflict into a war.  Just because someone is ugly or treats you wrong, does not mean you have permission to repay their attitude with an equally bad attitude.  A conflict can easily turn into a war. 

Point:

How do we escalate conflict today? You escalate conflict when you post information on social media. When we post passive aggressive, coded messages online for the public to see, you foster conflict. You may not mention names, you may not even be mentioning the situation directly, but drawing attention to an issue that may not even involve you stirs the pot and draws curious eyes to a situation that should otherwise be private. 

We escalate conflict when we involve ourselves in situations that are not meant for us. Ever heard the statement, “you’ve stuck your nose where it does not belong”? I have and Ive been guilty of that myself. 

Years ago, when I was a youth pastor at my first church, First Baptist Church Birmingham, a conflict has broken out between two deacons. I knew both of the men but I did not have all the information. In fact, the conflict happened in a deacon’s meeting that I was not even in attendance. Later that week I called the men to see what I could do to help. They told me differing stories and I sensed anger growing. Instead of defusing the situation, I had inadvertently pour gasoline on the fire. My pastor, Randy Overstreet called me to his office. He was so graceful and loving towards me. He told me that while he appreciated my help, he asked me to have faith in him, believe in him, and trust him to resolve the issue with God’s help. I said “absolutely”. I got out of the situation and trusted my pastor to handle it and do you know what happened? It took time, but eventually it was resolved. Randy did what he said he would do. Sometimes God raises others up to resolve conflict. Not every battle needs to be won by me. 

Lastly, we escalate conflict when we are not patient. Trust me, these ladies did not arrive at their issue in a day. It was probably brewing under the surface for a while. Conflict sometimes takes time to work out and solve. Not even Jesus could resolve every conflict in a day. Be patient. It takes time for God to work in the hearts of men. Give God time and allow for the Holy Spirit to speak. Instead of being inpatient, pray for those who are on opposite side. 

Romans 12:18-19 NIV

[18] If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. [19] Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.

C. Listen

“Christians don’t listen. They don’t even try to understand us. They just tell us what to think.” This was said to me by a Muslim taxi driver in New York City. 

How did the disciples of Jesus get a reputation for not listening? 

The one we claim to follow was an exceptional listener. Jesus was fully present to others. He asked great questions. He listened to hear what was beneath the surface. What if the followers of Jesus were more like him?

We live in a world where nobody seems to be listening anymore. Everybody has something to say and a point to prove. Everybody wants to be understood. Few want to understand. 

What if the followers of Jesus were different? 

What if we were known for being exceptional listeners?

The wise King Solomon composed 22 proverbs about listening, including this one: “Tune your ear to wisdom and concentrate on understanding” (Prov. 2:2). 

James wrote: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). 

Our Lord Jesus commands us to “Consider carefully how you listen” (Luke 8:18)and explains that “The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given” (Mark 4:24 NLT).  

When you give someone else your full attention, you send a powerful message that says, “You matter to me.” 

In a world of multiple choice answers and strident opinions, conflict is unavoidable. We shouldn’t avoid it. Emotionally healthy leaders know that constructive conflict leads to stronger relationships and better results. 

Leaders who listen well, focus on the goal of understanding, rather than being understood. 

They listen to contrarian voices and say things like “Tell me more.” They also offer the gift of empathy. Nothing disarms anger quite like empathy. Empathy builds a bridge to another person’s heart. It says to that person, “Your feelings make sense to me.” It doesn’t mean you agree. It simply means you understand.  

Once you understand and the other person feels understood, you can work together to solve the problem. 

Proverbs 18:13 NLT

Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.

D. Forgive

Point:

When someone’s words or actions hurt you, do you forgive her or him, or do you react with anger, hurt feelings, or similar emotions?

Most of us get mad. We might try to get back at the other person or seek revenge. We might withdraw or feel sorry for ourselves. We might simmer with resentment, thinking we have a right to be angry.

Forgiveness is a great and sometimes costly gift that can bring healing to your friends, your relationships, and to you personally.

It’s not something that comes naturally. It is a choice—sometimes a difficult choice.

There are many reasons to forgive others. The main one is that God commands us to forgive. Since God tells us to forgive, we must forgive.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. (Matthew 6:12)

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)

Jesus took all our sins upon himself and offered us new lives when he died on the cross and then rose from the dead. When we remember how much God has forgiven us, it should motivate us to forgive others.

Christians, our church is like a family living together. There will be times, just like in every family, that we step on each other’s toes, say offensive things, and hurt each other’s feelings. It is inevitable. Still, let’s agree this morning not to give Satan the victory. Let’s defeat the enemy by forgiving, showing grace, seeking resolution, and finding common ground. 

Don’t Let Conflict Cancel Crucial Relationships!